Sue Scheff: Mentoring Teens Today
Help build a child’s self-worth, help them to achieve their goals and encorage them to work hard academically! Mentoring is not only important to so many kids today, it also gives you a sense of fulfillment. I know in my life, there have been many teens that have emailed me or called me – and just knowing that someone is there – willing to listen, and guide can bring so much hope and inspiration to those that would otherwise be lost.
Source: Connect With Kids
Mentoring
“Now that I got a big brother, we go out in public a lot [and] I smile a lot.”
– Tyrone Brown, 10
If you’ve ever thought about becoming a mentor for a lonely child, a new study might help you get motivated: kids with a mentor end up years later with more education, more money, and a better relationship with friends and family.
Ten-year-old Tyrone used to be shy and rarely played with other kids his age. “And I didn’t like to smile because of my teeth, but now that I got a big brother, we go out in public a lot, I smile a lot and I don’t care what anybody says about my teeth, so I smile,” he says.
The “big brother” he’s talking about is Anthony Spinola, his mentor.
A study by Big Brothers, Big Sisters of America reports that confidence is just one of the benefits from having a mentor.
Mentored kids are also more likely to grow up and have a four-year college degree, a job making over $75,000 a year and have more meaningful relationships with their friends and family.
And, they are more likely to become volunteers like Itoro Ufot. “A lot of people sacrifice a lot of time for me to be where I am now, and I feel like now that I’m in a position to give back, it’s probably my time,” he says.
Experts say mentors can even help kids who even have good role models in mom and dad. “The child needs someone that’s special to them. It’s someone that [they] can talk to sometimes when [they] can’t talk to [their] parent,” says Janice McKenzie-Crayton of Big Brothers Big Sisters.
But before signing off on any mentor, parents need to ask questions to make sure the mentor is right for their child.
“The parent ought be told the likes and dislikes of the volunteer, the background of the volunteer, what the volunteer’s involved with, what work they do, etc.,” McKenzie-Crayton says.
Tips for Parents
Mentoring is derived from a Greek word that means “enduring.” It is defined by the U.S. Department of Education as “a sustained relationship between a youth and an adult. Through continued involvement, the adult offers support, guidance and assistance as the younger person goes through a difficult period, faces new challenges or works to correct earlier problems.” Mentors can play a critical role, especially in situations where parents are unavailable or unable to provide responsible guidance for their children.
Why are mentors needed? In addition to the increase in single-parent homes and two-parent working families, statistics show that each day in the United States, nearly 7,000 students drop out of school and over 2,700 unwed teenage girls become pregnant.
According to the U.S. Department of Education, mentoring programs generally serve the following broad purposes:
- Educational or academic mentoring helps young people improve their overall academic achievement.
- Career mentoring helps mentored youth develop the necessary skills to enter or continue on a career path.
- Personal development mentoring supports mentored youth during times of personal or social stress and provides guidance for decision-making.
How successful can mentoring be? According to statistics from Creative Mentoring, a mentoring program in Delaware, surveyed teachers reported the following changes in students who took part in the program:
- Approximately 67% experienced an increase in self-confidence.
- About 51% improved their attitudes toward learning.
- An estimated 47% exhibited better cooperation.
- Approximately 43% improved their reading skills.
- About 40% completed more assigned tasks.
- Nearly 36% increased their ability to work independently.
- About 37% increased their ability to work well with others.
- An estimated 42% took more responsibility.
- About 46% improved their self-control,
Big Brothers Big Sisters of Metro Atlanta reports the following statistics about students who are involved in its one-to-one mentoring program:
- About 46% are less likely than their peers to start using illegal drugs.
- Approximately 27% are less likely to start drinking alcohol.
- An estimated 52% are less likely than their peers to skip a day of school.
- Nearly 30% are less likely to hit someone.
- Female students participating in the program are five times less likely than other girls between the ages of 15 and 19 to become pregnant.
According to the National Mentoring Partnership, mentors and parents have specific roles to play in a mentoring relationship. A successful mentor is more of an adviser or a coach rather than a disciplinarian or substitute mother or father. In fact, if the mentor assumes a role as parent, it can do more harm than good. The National Mentoring Partnership recommends the following roles for parents and mentors:
| Role | Mentor | Parent |
| Confidant | X | X |
| Adviser | X | X |
| Disciplinarian | X | |
| Teacher | X | X |
| Friend | X | X |
| Decision-maker | X |
References
- Big Brothers Big Sisters of America
- Big Brothers Big Sisters of Metro Atlanta
- National Mentoring Partnership
- U.S. Department of Education
Sue Scheff: Helping Your Teens Reach their Goals
Getting your teens involved, helping them realize and reach their dreams and goals – in my opinion, that is part of parenting. Today teens have so much more to deal with, such as peer pressure as well as the competitiveness to get into their first choice colleges. If your teen has that special interest, dream, or goal in life, encourage them to reach for their passion. It can happen!
YES Seminar is about helping your teen reach their success.
Inspire & Connect
Two of the four reasons for this event are to INSPIRE and CONNECT young entrepreneurs, their parents and mentors, not only with other like-minded kids and mentors, but with Inspiring people that have been where you are and the Connectors that have “made it happen” for so many. This is not a Motivational Seminar – it’s purpose is to Inspire you on your journey!
Empower & Educate
The third and fourth reasons are to provide you with the tools you need to Empower and Educate Yourself! We would like to Open your eyes to the amazing Possibilities that are waiting for you, not only here, but right outside the front door of your home, in your town, today!
2009 Young Entrepreneurs Success Seminar, Orlando Fla.
- When: September 25-27, 2009
- Where: The Caribe Royale, Orlando Florida
- Who: Young entrepreneurs aged 9 and up and their parents/guardians/mentors
- Web: http://www.yesseminar.com
The purpose of this event is to inspire, empower and educate young entrepreneurs and their parents to embrace their natural creativity, learn to find and leverage their resources, and grow their businesses and ventures. Most importantly, this event will CONNECT young entrepreneurs and their parents with other like-minded people! This alone will provide powerful inspiration and empowerment that will live on long beyond the event! These connections will continue to grow within the community that will be created here.
This will be a “conference” unlike any other! Speakers will include best-selling authors such as Bob Burg, author of “The Go-Giver” and “Endless Referrals”, as well as teen entrepreneurs, and experts in fields related to publishing, marketing, social media and more. Breakout sessions will provide parents and teens to receive information specific to them, and will include fun, interactive and highly educational and powerful workshops and activities designed to inspire creativity and innovation, teach team building skills, marketing techniques, public speaking, networking and more! There will also be panel discussions and the opportunity for attendees to talk to speakers and experts one-on-one. Entertainment and time to meet and interact with one another will be an integral part as well.
How Can You Participate?
Attend! We have gone to great lengths to make this event affordable AND incredibly valuable! Ticket prices are $199 for parent AND teen, or $299 for 2 parents and teens. See our website for early bird special at $177. Register online at http://www.yesseminar.com .
Sponsor! Your support can make this event even better, and accessible to even more people.
Sponsor a teen: We would love to offer sponsorships to the many amazing young people who would like to attend, but will be unable to due to finances. Feel free to sponsor an entire family, or simply provide a fixed donation to be applied toward their attendance costs.
Sponsor a portion of the event: We will also gladly promote anyone who would like to sponsor a specific portion of the event (ie. AV equipment provided by______), or a specific activity such as a cookout or workshop.
Sponsor a Speaker: We have young speakers who would be great for our event! Feel free to help them to attend by donating to their travel costs.
Sponsor with your Product: We would love to have products as prizes for our contests and activities! Donations can be gift cards, mp3 players, computers or anything you’d like! If you are a t-shirt designer, or promotional products provider and would like to donate products for our attendees, please contact us.
PROMOTE! Please support us by helping us promote this event! Please share our information, web address, etc with anyone that might be interested in attending, sponsoring, or who may know someone else who would!
Please feel free to contact us at http://www.yesseminar.com or call us by phone at 919-427-7770
Sue Scheff: Parenting Teens Can bring Headaches
This isn’t exactly a parenting article or a Blog about teens, but as a parent that raised two teens, I definitely had the headaches that went with them. So this Blog is about YOU – the Parent – do you get headaches? Stress headaches? Migraines? Read more!
The National Headache Foundation to introduce you to a new, cool and unique educational portal called Headache U. We all know parents can’t really take a day off, or even a “time out” for a headache. We always need to be “on” for our families, but headaches can quickly shut us down! For some, headaches can get so severe, that family, social and work life takes a serious hit. Worse yet, headaches are very personal, with combinations of triggers ranging from hormones to weather, stress to diet. So, the approach to headache care needs to be as personal as the headaches are.
That’s why Headache U is the perfect website for headache sufferers to turn to! It’s all about YOU, which can help people with headache take a personal approach toward getting relief.
By logging onto Headache U, you and your readers can begin to “Chart Your Course to Relief,” with the first of many educational resources to be introduced in the portal. This first-of-its-kind online and interactive personal headache care tool asks you questions about your own experiences and based on your answers, guides you to resources… tailored specifically to YOU! Because sufferers want to spend less time worrying about their next headache and more time enjoying those important family moments, Headache U matches sufferers with resources based on personal headache patterns, providing the steps toward getting relief!
The NHF also really stresses the importance of becoming a student of your own headaches so you get to know your personal headache patterns. Maybe you can blame your parents! Did you know that migraines can be hereditary, and affect three times more women than men? Whatever the pattern may be, get out some paper and start taking notes! The National Headache Foundation and Headache U is the perfect resource for you to check out.
In an effort to keep programs like Headache U going, NHF has recently launched an endeavor to help raise funds for future programs. To check out the details, and to learn more about Headache U, simply visit http://www.headaches.org!
Sue Scheff: Talking to your Kids about Death
Michele Borba is an Author, Child Expert, Speaker and more. Her recent Blog entry is one that I believe parents throughout the world can benefit from. The loss of a music ICON as well as a beautiful woman that fought the “not-so-funny” word/disease called cancer and allowed the world to see her determination and love of life through the pain of this disease, is hard to explain to anyone, especially children.
Personally, I grew with both these Celebrities. It was only about 2 months ago I turned my 10 year old niece on to the Thriller and Bad CD. Yes, and when she went home to my sister, she insisted my sister go straight out and buy Thriller! (Good thing this was 2 months ago, I am sure today it wouldn’t be that easy). The funny part of this story is, my sister had a hard time finding it at the store – she asked a sales person for help. This sales person looked at my niece and asked her – what are you looking for “Miley Cyrus, Jonas Brothers?” – with that, my niece, in her not so polite way – said, “NO, I want Michael Jackson!” Can you imagine, this ICON that my sisters and I grew up with is still touching our kids today.
When my (now 24 year old daughter) was only around 8 years old, would sing to Michael Jackson regularly and then performed it at a wedding! What am I saying? Michael Jackson’s music is timeless (not was, IS) as we all still listen to this incredible artist. If you think his music is great, his videos are totally the BEST – he will be missed!
Here is Michele Borba’s Blog Entry yesterday – to read more about Michele, visit – http://www.micheleborba.com/
How to Talk to Kids About the Deaths of Michael Jackson & Farrah
Posted: June 26th, 2009 by Michele Borba
Many parents say that explaining death to children is one of the toughest topics. So if you haven’t had that talk, are you ready this afternoon? Chances are highly likely that your child will ask you about death if not today then sometime soon. After all, the passing of Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett is not only front page news, but also the hot playground topic. And when kids are the ones delivering the news, chances are also high that the facts about death will be wrong. Now is the time to open up the discussion, explain death to your child in terms he understands, and answer any questions.
Children’s understanding of death differs vastly from adults, so here are a few points to review before you have that important conversation.
- Describe death in physical terms. Clarify that death means that life stops, the deceased cannot return, and the body is buried. Farrah Fawcett stopped breathing, eating, walking and so he is no longer feeling pain, worrying or hungry. “Michael Jackson died because his heart stopped beating.” Anything less simple and explicit can cause confusion and be misinterpreted by the child.
- Be honest, open, and direct. Clear up any misunderstandings about death your child may have. Give the details your child needs to know. Withhold those facts that are not in your child’s best interests. If you don’t have an answer just admit you don’t know.
- Be prepared for tough questions. The American Academy of Pediatrics says kids are most likely to ask these five questions: “What is death?” “What made the person die?” “Where is the person now?” “Can it happen to me?” “Who will take care of me?”
- Avoid euphemisms. Keep in mind that your child may not grasp the concept of death and take your comments literally. So refrain from statements like: “He is in a deep sleep,” “She was laid to rest.” “He slipped away.” “She is resting peacefully,” “She was very sick and the illness made her die” “God took her away.” Such comments are often confusing and can cause children worry the same thing may happen to them as well: (“If I’m sick I may die, too.” “If I go to sleep I will go to heaven.”)
- Be prepared for tough questions. Michael Jackson was 50 and a father of younger children. Your child may ask: “Will you die?” It’s fine for you to answer, “Not for a long time. I’m taking care of myself and I’m just fine.”
Your child may ask the same question over and over. That’s just how children process information. Encourage those questions and tell your child to come to you anytime. You want this information to come from you so your child gets the right facts about death as well as any other topic.
A child’s understanding of death varies by different ages and stages. Here is a quick review of what to expect:
- Preschool: Think death is only temporary like going to sleep (the dead might or might not wake up after a while). Difficulty separating real from fantasy so they often believe their thoughts or actions may have caused the death (especially if they were “bad). “Wishing hard enough” or “acting right” might bring the deceased back. Abstract concepts such as heaven are difficult to grasp Most assume they personally will not die: it happens only to others.
- School Age: Gradually begin to understand death is final (the dead stay dead and aren’t just sleeping), but still need perspective. May think of death as a person or ghostly figure such as a clown, shadowy death-man, or skeletal figure. Believe thoughts can make things happen so some see the possibility of escaping from death if they are clever or lucky enough. May fear that death is contagious and other loved ones (themselves included) will “catch it” and die as well. Abstract concepts (heaven, an “after live” and spirituality) are still difficult to comprehend.
- Preteens: Ten and up: Most understand that death is an irreversible and inescapable part of life and now aware of the possibility of their own death. More aware how their world will change and impact of losing a loved one has on their future (”Who will go with me to the football banquet?” “Who will walk me down the aisle at my wedding?”) Curiosity about the process of death develops and may ask for more specific details such as: “Is the body cold?” “Where does the body go?”
Get more Parenting Solutions by following @MicheleBorba on Twitter.
Michele’s new book is coming out this fall - The Big Book of Parenting Solutions.
Sue Scheff: Are you Considering Residential Therapy for your Teen?
Just a reminder of my organization that I created almost 10 years ago after a negative experience with my own teenage daughter. A Parent’s True Story has been widely read through my book Wit’s End! I was very fortunate that Health Communications, Inc. recognized the importance of my story and the valuable advice I offer to parents who are desperate for help and are at risk of making rash decision in searching for residential therapy. Order today at http://witsendbook.com.
Parent’s Universal Resource Experts, Inc. (P.U.R.E.™) is an organization that was founded in 2001 by Sue Scheff. For the past several years Parent’s Universal Resource’s has assisted families with valuable information and resources for their children and teens that are at risk. Teens that are struggling with today’s peer pressure, experimenting with drugs and alcohol, and simply good kids starting to make bad choices. We have many very satisfied families that have used our services. Please take a moment to read some of our testimonials.
Whether you are seeking Boarding Schools, Therapeutic Boarding Schools, Residential Treatment Centers, Wilderness Programs, Christian Schools, Summer Programs, Military Schools and more, Parent’s Universal Resource’s can offer you options to explore to help educate you in a very important decision for your child and family. We invite you to fill out a Free Consultation Form for more information.
Parent’s Universal Resource Expert’s™ are parents helping parents. As a parent that experienced and survived a difficult teen, we believe that desperate parents are at high risk of making rash and detrimental decisions in choosing the best placement for their child. Please take a moment to read my story – “A Parent’s True Story” – which is one the reasons this organization was created.
As a member of the Better Business Bureau for many years we are an organization that prides ourselves in helping others and bringing families back together.
There are many Doctors, Attorney’s, Therapists, Police Departments, Schools, Guidance Counselors, and other professionals that refer Parent’s Universal Resource’s to families. In many cases, after a family has used our service, they recommend us to their friends and relatives. We have built our reputation on trust and putting families first. At Parent’s Universal Resource’s we believe in bringing families back together.
Sue Scheff: ADHD Family Summit 2009
It’s not too late to sign up for the 2009 ADHD Family Summit. And now is a good time to do it because this Wednesday, June 17, at 9:00 p.m. Eastern (8:00 Central, 7:00 Mountain, and 6:00 Pacific) Edge Foundation Executive Director, Sarah Wright, will be talking about how coaching can help your ADHD teen be successful in school, at home and in life. Did we mention that it’s FREE?-
Recent
- Sue Scheff: Mentoring Teens Today
- Sue Scheff: Helping Your Teens Reach their Goals
- Sue Scheff: Parenting Teens Can bring Headaches
- Sue Scheff: Talking to your Kids about Death
- Sue Scheff: Teen Summit on CyberSafety featuring John Walsh
- Sue Scheff: Are you Considering Residential Therapy for your Teen?
- Sue Scheff: ADHD Family Summit 2009
- Sue Scheff: Google Bomb Book Chapter One – On YouTube
- Sue Scheff: Google Bomb Book Explodes on YouTube
- Sue Scheff: Google Bomb Book Take 3
- Sue Scheff: New Website for Google Bomb Book!
- Sue Scheff: Social Networking for Kids 12 and Under
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REMINDER FOR TOMORROW – JUNE 24TH – IMPORTANT SUMMIT REGARDING TEENS AND CYBER-SAFETY.
It seems the animation is only growing in steam – and my